Author Topic: Dead inside  (Read 2103 times)

Offline :Lost:

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Dead inside
« on: November 19, 2004, 05:16:24 PM »
This isn't exactly a poem but I had my reason to write this...


Slowly dying inside,
she hid so much inside.
Outside she was smiling
but inside she was dying.
Inside she was crying.

She would pass by her "friends"
as they looked at her with disgused.
They looked at her with disgrace
even if they hadn't shown it on their face.

In class they would pass notes.
She picked one up,
to only find nothing but bad of her.
She only hid her tears deep inside.
For even though she was smiling,
inside she was crying.
Inside she was dying.

She would go home
mistaken that it is safe.
Only to find her mother crying.
Her father yelling
and grabing his knife.

She slammed her door
and through everything on the floor.
She didn't care anymore.
She already died inside.
She had no other reason to live.
Her soul is sold out....

She returns to her normal life once more.
Dead...
No smile,
no frown,
no tears,
no feeling down.

When asked what was wrong,
she walks away.
If they do not know,
they must truly be blind.
They killed her...
So why have they not been charged a find?
Being spiritally killed is much worse
Then any physical harm one can bring.
Now she can only live a horrid nightmare
then her once happy dream.

Offline PrinJess

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2004, 05:19:27 PM »
Of course it's a poem! It rhymes! (well, some of it) This is the best poem you've written in ages!

Swim upsteam, for the beginning starts there.

Offline :Lost:

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2004, 05:21:46 PM »
Thank you...it has been awile since I have written anything I thought I would start with a simple story-line to this poem...

cuteflyz89

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2004, 09:45:53 AM »
o0o!!!! that is so awesome!

Offline Waffo

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2004, 03:42:40 PM »
There are just a few spelling mistakes but it's a great poem!  Makes me pretty gloomy, though.

POW!

*stickies for POWness*


[EDIT]forgot to say i'm choosing this for POW.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2004, 03:45:04 PM by Waffo »


"My brain told me there was a chair behind me but halfway to the floor, my brain told me it lied." -Me
"I've forgotten more than you'll ever know."
Currently playing: Rewrite

Offline PrinJess

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2004, 03:47:22 PM »
Slowly dying inside,
she hid so much inside.
Outside she was smiling
but inside she was dying.
Inside she was crying.

She would pass by her "friends"
as they looked at her with disgusted. (Is it "disgusted" or "disguised"? Disgusted sounds correct)
They looked at her with disgrace
even if they hadn't shown it on their face.

In class they would pass notes.
She picked one up,
to only find nothing but bad of her.
She only hid her tears deep inside.
For even though she was smiling,
inside she was crying.
Inside she was dying.

She would go home
mistaken that it is safe.
Only to find her mother crying.
Her father yelling
and grabing his knife.

She slammed her door
and through everything on the floor.
She didn't care anymore.
She already died inside.
She had no other reason to live.
Her soul is sold out....

She returns to her normal life once more.
Dead...
No smile,
no frown,
no tears,
no feeling down.

When asked what was wrong,
she walks away.
If they do not know,
they must truly be blind.
They killed her...
So why have they not been charged a find?
Being spiritually killed is much worse
Then any physical harm one can bring.
Now she can only live a horrid nightmare
then her once happy dream.

(Bold words means corrected)

Very few spelling errors. But, your form of writing has gotten better.

Swim upsteam, for the beginning starts there.

Offline :Lost:

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2004, 04:27:20 PM »
Thank you.
And yes it is disgusted. My spelling isn't the best but oh well.

Offline Waffo

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2004, 04:52:24 PM »
Nah, it's not that noticeable.  There are much, much worse.  And Jess, you missed her use of through instead of threw.


[EDIT] Add another comment
« Last Edit: November 30, 2004, 04:53:49 PM by Waffo »


"My brain told me there was a chair behind me but halfway to the floor, my brain told me it lied." -Me
"I've forgotten more than you'll ever know."
Currently playing: Rewrite

Offline invincible.

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2004, 05:41:11 PM »
oww.. my heart

Offline PrinJess

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Re: Dead inside
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2004, 06:03:16 PM »
Nah, it's not that noticeable.  There are much, much worse.  And Jess, you missed her use of through instead of threw.


[EDIT] Add another comment

Oh, must have missed that. Read too fast.

Swim upsteam, for the beginning starts there.

 

anything