Author Topic: :o :o **eye catching title goes here** :o :o  (Read 1273 times)

Offline arekkusu

  • Slightly Buzzed
  • **
  • Posts: 282
  • Gender: Male
:o :o **eye catching title goes here** :o :o
« on: July 11, 2005, 12:38:38 AM »
o.k i never do this but i just wanted some critical analysis (constructive or insulting - i really dont care) of this crap i gotta do for narrative stuff in english. um its only like the introduction.. and its a little disjointed.. but i hope u guys can read it and maybe make some suggestions/recommendations for where i should take the story.
*(keeping in mind that i'm at school and its gotta be done by the 17th..! x_x )
**oh and its untitled so maybe someone can help with that??

I sit quietly and listen to the silence, feel the touch of nothing. The emptiness fills my mind in yet another gesture of absurd irony, and I take a moment of introspection, ignorant of the chaotic stillness surrounding me.
Am I crazy? Did the events that instigated my ascension, fulfilment and downfall also rob me of sane thought process? Or was I insane before I met her? It is impossible to know, and irrelevant regardless. All that matters is she is dead, along with any trace of hope I had of answering the questions that have plagued my mind since the beginning. Now I must try to piece myself back together, so that I may close this ugly chapter for good.
At last, my eyes focus and conscious thought returns to me, systematically activating my bodily functions: The blurred image of a dimly lit room abruptly flickers into view, like an old p.c. monitor; accompanied by an eerie silence. The metallic taste of blood stains the roof of my mouth, and an acrid smell wafts around my face. Finally I remember how to feel: The throbbing migraine in my head, the stabbing twinge in my chest and, in precise equilibrium, the pleasant coolness of a familiar object clasped in my left hand.
I look down at it, immediately recognising the jagged outline and sleek, glossy finish.
My gun, fired only once, stares back at me expectantly. I have yet to move my hand, and the barrel still looms in the vague direction of its last victim. I follow the line of fire with my eyes, finally resting on a spreading pool of crimson, its source hidden by an overturned cabinet. Without needing to look, i know who lay motionless in the path of my last bullet, her lifeblood spilling around her, eyes glazed and face contorted in a cruel parody of a smile.
I had killed her.
My friend, mentor and lover had died by my own hand, in yet another evil hand dealt by this twisted game where i am merely a pawn, a vicious means to an end. 
But this is nowhere near the end.
The game has only just begun.
"He who chases two hares, catches rabies..."

Chaos

  • Guest
Re: :o :o **eye catching title goes here** :o :o
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2005, 10:40:59 AM »
Vendetta: Check Mate

good title, i have a knack for titles.

good story

Offline arekkusu

  • Slightly Buzzed
  • **
  • Posts: 282
  • Gender: Male
Re: :o :o **eye catching title goes here** :o :o
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2005, 08:00:25 PM »
damn...
that's a great title, Keeper thanks a lot. you do seem to have a knack for it..

..but i handed it in last week, along with a far inferior heading:

"The Death of Reason"     (>_<)p

i would've got better marks with ur title.. haha o well
"He who chases two hares, catches rabies..."

 

anything